I would translate it myself, but…
I’m sure a lot of you freelance translators out there have received a phone call in the past that was similar to the one I describe below. Truth is it wasn’t my first one, but when these things happen on a difficult day (what with all the austerity measures and the imminent bankruptcy of Greece) it doesn’t take much for one to explode. So, enjoy:
Phone: ♫♪ ♫♪♫♪ ♫♪♫♪♫♪ ♫♪ (my ring tone is ‘Eye of the Tiger’, don’t ask me why!)
Client: Hi, I found your number on your website. I am calling to inquire about your services. We have an 8 page instructions manual that needs to be translated from English into Greek.
Dimi: OK, can you give me some more details? What is the word count of your text and what is it about?
Client: Actually it’s very easy and I would do it myself but unfortunately I don’t have the time. It would probably take you a few hours or so. As I told you it’s 8 pages long and it is about an alarm system.
Dimi: Allow me to point out that what you just said is a common misconception. The truth is that translation is a demanding task that requires a significant amount of effort. That is why you called me I guess.
Client: No, I called you because I have no time to do it myself. I usually translate our company’s documents myself.
Dimi: If it’s that easy, why don’t you take a day’s break from your work and do the translation yourself; I can fill in for you and sell some alarms. I mean, how hard can it be to sell alarms, right? With such high crime rates, those babies will fly off the shelves!
Client: Are you kidding me? This is rude and unacceptable!
Dimi: What’s rude and unacceptable is you calling me just to say that you find my job useless and ‘easy’. What happened to ‘I just called to say I love you?’ Where did all the romance go?
Client: This is unbelievable, I am going to report you on your professional association.
Dimi: There is no professional association!
Client: OK, I think we started on the wrong foot here. Will you be able to translate 8 pages of an English manual into Greek?
Dimi: What is the word count of each page? Can you email me the document?
Client: I can’t send it due to copyright reasons. A page is a page, what do you mean what’s the word count?
Dimi: I mean, is it a page that looks like it was torn off from the Bible or from an IKEA catalog?
Client: OK, now you are messing with me again. This is very unprofessional! Bye bye!
Dimi: Bye
I may have lost a potential client but I must admit I enjoyed it! 
